| (no subject) |
[Aug. 11th, 2007|11:42 pm] |
| [ | You love when i feel |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | Dancing to> |
| | TSC bracelets | ] |
so i feel like my life is going down hill right now. i don't want to tell this to anyone and im sure noone reads this so i'll just put it all in here. i have no boyfriend, i recently broke up wit him after a moth which kills me because i feel like a failure, even though he was the one who didnt pay any attention to me, maybe i didn't demand it enough though, but he couldnt stop telling me how much he wanted to have sex with me. when i left him he just said "okay, it's for the best." jesus. my friends have better things to do than hang out with me, like hang out with their boyfriend, or party with other people who don't have a cerfew of midnight. i work with hot guys, but i highly doubt it would work out with any of them because, well because im me. school starts in like a week and a half, i still don't have my books or know where my classes are. im worried about having school and work, but i can't be broke and i won't take money from my parents very often. i miss my long hair and i wish i never would have cut it. i can't stop thinking about everything i've done wrong in past relationships and how i could change to have a relationship and make it last. then there's cayl. cayl, the one guy who has always been there, well, not always. but i know he has loved me even when he isn't here, and i do, did, love him too, but now i dont know, he's been gone for so long, i feel like im moving on and i feel bad becaus i told him i would be here when he got back, and now he's coming back and i don't know what to do. there are nights when all i wanna do is go out and get wrecked and not remember anything, and that feeling has been coming on more and more often. all these feelings i have all bottled up inside because i feel if i let them show i'll be complaining or emo, but most of all vulnerable. i don't wnt to date robbie, i don't want to lead him on he is my best friend, and i do't want to ruin that by trying to date him because i know deep down that it would never work. ww;re just better off as friends. i might be depressed, and i might have slight insomnia. there are things i want to do i now i shouldnt im not happy with my looks my weight, my height, and i feel i need to loose 20 to 30 lbs. i don't like to talk to people anymore because i feel like everything i say is negitive. almost every smile is fake, and i hade behind a person everyone knows. the smiley happy bubbly me. not this mess that no one knows about. i just want it to go away. i need help i need to feel loved, i need someone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2007|09:04 pm] |
| [ | Being held hostage |
| | home. | ] |
| [ | You love when i feel |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Dancing to> |
| | none. | ] |
i Don't know what to do with him.
Busch Gardens wed, hopefully things will go amazingly.
doubtful though. :/
gonna go read some hp. |
|
|
| mr. babb. |
[Jul. 11th, 2007|08:04 pm] |
| [ | Being held hostage |
| | the g parents | ] |
| [ | You love when i feel |
| |  touched | ] |
| [ | Dancing to> |
| | the telly | ] |
Aaron K. Babb makes me a happy girl.
:]
7-7-07.
I'm so lucky to have fond him!
I am thinking it's a sign
that the freckles in our eyes
are mirror images and when we kiss
they're perfectly aligned.
:] |
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| no matter how unbearable. |
[Jun. 21st, 2007|12:14 am] |
| [ | You love when i feel |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
You know washed up on the beach. that you are not alone.
I need you like water in my lungs.
the beauty of it all is that they think they are all different.
when in all actuallity,
they are all the exact same.
maybe act a little different,
or do some different things.
but in the end,
they are all the same.
as am i.
always the same old heartbreaker,
with the same old issues,
maybe a few more than usual this time.
a little more fucked up.
but nothing is better than usual,
except for the fact that i am learning,
learning to not be myself,
kind,
or friendly,
i need to learn to be harsh,
and bitchy i suppose.
maybe that will drive them away.
and i won't have to hurt anyone for a long time.
and i need to stop telling people things,
it's not like they care.
and all i say probably just gets talked about.
spread into rumors.
i wish i was a writer.
i would write songs,
songs with meaning,
then i would sing,
i want to be brave.
loose my stage fright somewhere in the midst of all the attention.
there is no attention though,
not any that i want at least.
i want attention for my talents,
not for my looks,
or my attitude.
but i suppose i have no true talents,
so looks and attitude it is then.
i should try to write.
write my feelings out.
not like this,
this is a mess.
organized,
and in some sort of rythem.
with beat,
and meaning.
i'll try.
Love Linda. |
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|
| singing to myself. |
[Jun. 19th, 2007|10:38 pm] |
| [ | Being held hostage |
| | home. | ] |
| [ | You love when i feel |
| |  listless | ] |
| [ | Dancing to> |
| | face down, accoustic. :] | ] |
i don't understand boys.
i don't want anything serious,
i can't handle anything serious.
they are all warned ahead of time.
i tell them i will hurt them,
and not to get attached.
but what do they do?
they get attached, and they fall.
all of them.
and then i hurt them and i break their hearts.
i do it over and over again.
and in no way am i trying to blame them for this,
in all actuallity it's mostly my fault.
i fell that i do it to myself actually,
i convince myself that i can change,
that i can be a better girlfriend.
i'm just not cut out for it though,
i'm not ment to be in a serious,
comitted,
long term,
loving,
caring,
relationship.
i fell once.
once was enough for me, and i have learned my lesson.
i bring this upon myself by even talking to boys.
but i can't help it,
i'm a girl,
that is indeed what i do,
and i give them the courtosy,
of warning them in advance.
and now that i am completely wrecked,
torn apart,
and totally unstable,
it is at it's worst yet.
because now i am frightened of relationships.
of boys,
and of their reactions.
oppinions,
thoughts,
words,
views,
wants,
and needs.
i can't handle it, much less do i wnat it right now.
i'm sorry for any boy who comes in contact with me at this point in my life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2007|10:32 pm] |
| [ | Being held hostage |
| | bedroom. | ] |
| [ | You love when i feel |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | Dancing to> |
| | ooh la- the kooks. | ] |
wow so i haven't been on this ina while.
i do't really know what to write.
it's summer and i'm working.
getting ready for ny.
trying to save $ for a new car.
and chillin.
i'll try to post more.
even though i think im the only person who actually reads this anymore lol. |
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| survivor math! |
[Apr. 27th, 2007|02:48 pm] |
| [ | Being held hostage |
| | home. | ] |
| [ | You love when i feel |
| | refreshed | ] |
| [ | Dancing to> |
| | Boys Like girls- learning to fall | ] |
today was beautiful!
sunny and warm and full of friends!
Lovely!
hopefully more days like today to come...
(well once im off grounding, lol) |
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|
| you're welcome. |
[Apr. 26th, 2007|01:29 pm] |
| [ | Being held hostage |
| | home. | ] |
| [ | You love when i feel |
| |  irritated | ] |
| [ | Dancing to> |
| | TSC Himerus and Eros | ] |
single...
again.
you were right.
all of you.
but in the end he wasn't right for me.
so thank you.
i hate you, no i hate you more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2007|08:35 pm] |
| [ | You love when i feel |
| | worried | ] |
| [ | Dancing to> |
| | the fray fall away. | ] |
i feel like a complete fuckup.
enough said.
if i loose him i don't know what i will do.
You swear you recall nothing at all
That could make you come back down
You made up your mind to leave it all behind
Now you're forced to fight it out
You fall away from your past
But it's following you
you fall away from your past
But it's following you
You left something undone, it's now your rerun
It's the one you can't erase
You should have made it right, so you wouldn't have to fight
To put a smile back on your face
You fall away from your past
But it's following you
You fall away from your past
But it's following you
You fall away
You fall away
Something I've done that I can't outrun
Something I've done that I can't outrun
Maybe you should wait maybe you should run
But there's something you've said that can't be undone
And you fall away from your past
But it's following you
You fall away
It's following you
thank you fray. you explained it so well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2007|03:46 pm] |
| [ | Being held hostage |
| | home. | ] |
| [ | You love when i feel |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | Dancing to> |
| | newport living- cute is what we aim for. | ] |
i was denied from FGCU.
Edison is my last choice, well my only choice now.
hopefully i'll be getting an appartment with my two best friends,
and having the time of my life.
senioritis is kicking in bad.
but i neet to get back on track,
i'll have to quit my job if i dont.
even though my job isn't whats causing me to not do my homework.
je n'adore pas ratér.
especally french...
new hair(not exactly what i was craving, but it will do)
new york is coming up fast, crazy excited.
then grad bash, then graduation finally,
thennnn. graduation partay!
5 bedroom house on captiva for a week!
ugh! i can't even wait!
i really need to focus on my schoolwork though.
.... |
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